COLUMN: Why Team Edward should support gay-blood donations
Published: September 2, 2010
I witnessed two dramatic adaptations of the Dracula myth as an undergrad. Both were terrible, but the experience taught me three important facts:
• women want vampires;
• vampires drink blood;
• women want vampires to drink their blood.
Another vampire, “Sesame Street’s” Count von Count, is the reason I can count to three. “Three, three bats. Ah-ah-ah!”
Edward Cullen from “Twilight” is a modern vampire who can neither count nor transform into a bat.
The only thing “Twilight” got right is fact one: Women want vampires.
Plenty of women would gladly donate their own blood to Edward. Certainly another demographic shares that willingness to literally open their hearts to Edward. More on that later.
Vampires aren’t the only people thirsty for blood donations. The infirm, for example, require blood to continue living where vampires require blood to go on unliving. Unfortunately, the sick people who need this blood aren’t able to skulk through the night or transform into bats. They rely on blood donations.
There is a way you can help, too!
The Oklahoma Blood Institute will be on campus from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Sept. 15 at the National Weather Center and 1 to 6 p.m. Sept. 22 at Couch Center to take blood donations.
“But I’m deathly afraid of needles,” is a common response to shirking blood donation.
If trypanophobia, the fear of needles, were truly so pervasive, then fewer college freshmen would demonstrate their newfound liberty in tattoo parlors.
Donating blood would be more popular if Edward Cullen sponsored the Oklahoma Blood Institute.
What girl could resist Edward asking for a pint of blood? Likewise, what homosexual male could resist Edward?
Homosexuals are discriminated by being unable to donate blood if they are sexually active. This is perhaps a well-intentioned restriction due to the risk of spreading HIV or other sexually transmitted infections.
After all, the risk of HIV transmission is highest among homosexual men who have sex with other men, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
However, sexual restrictions on heterosexual donors are largely limited to Johns or the prostitutes who service them. That is to say, a heterosexual is permitted to donate blood even if he has unprotected sex with numerous partners whereas a homosexual practicing safe, monogamous sex is prohibited.
My solution, tentatively titled “Gay Blood,” is a program that receives and tests the blood of sexually active homosexuals who would otherwise be barred from donating. Hospitals may not accept the donations until the program is able to boast “Last year we collected X-million pints of clean blood that went wasted.”
There are several positive outcomes that “Gay Blood” potentially extends. The donors would be further encouraged to practice safe sex and be tested for diseases more regularly.
Second, the blood centers will see an increase in revenue if sexually active homosexuals are allowed to donate.
Finally, this altruistic organization would discourage negative stereotypes that associate homosexuals with HIV transmission and leading selfish, non-Christian lives.
This proposal doesn’t suggest that homosexuals are disengaged with civic duty, or that they are sexually irresponsible. What “Gay Blood” offers is a concrete rejection of those stereotypes.
Any group struggling for equality wants an addition to the civil liberties withheld — a humanizing degree of social acceptance and respect. If homosexuals are stereotyped as outwardly sinful and diseased, then “Gay Blood” is one way to discredit those stereotypes.
I conclude with a public service announcement once imagined by my giant brain:
On a dark and stormy night, Dracula enters through the bedroom balcony.
Before penetrating his intended victim’s neck with elongated fangs, Dracula notices his gay-pride bracelet. He recoils, for fear of contracting a disease from the non-consensual, oral blood-transfusion.
Here, the intended victim awakens, saying “Don’t worry! I’m positive that I’m not HIV positive thanks to ‘Gay Blood.’” With a sigh of relief, the vampire engorges himself, quite sloppily.
The announcement ends with Edward Cullen, Dracula and Count von Count in chorus: “‘Gay Blood’ is oh-kay with vampires.”
The screen fades out, the “Gay Blood” logo flashes across the screen, and the Count’s voice echoes “One, one pint. Ah-ah-ah!”
Comments
sjames6621 1 year, 5 months ago
WE - my wife and I give blood at least yearly. And all kinds of tests are done on our heterosexual blood. Because the great majority of people with HIV are str8 people. Try Africa, where 23 million people are infected etc. The great great majority by transmission from str8 men to women.
The gay blood ban is just another way to demonize gay people, and in particular create fear of them. And fear creates hatred, mankinds worst failure. Religious hatred so similar to that which gave us 9/11
I wonder how many people, if they were told that their children needed blood, and none was available, would say ok to blood from gay donors, all of which would anyways be run through the battery of tests for all kinds of stds and non std blood transmitted illnesses.
Or would they do as a few "christian"s have done in recent past - refuse blood donations from all to their dying children, pray over their children.
And when the child died for their religious beliefs, get their due and be prosecuted for negligent homicide.
Or a similar scene re our soldiers seriously injured while fighting in Afghanistan.
And tell me, how does the blood technician know if the people saying they are not gay, know they are being told the truth.
This ban is just another homophobic trick to gin up fear and hatred of gay people.
so often by those who talk about moral values. The moral values of hatred.
BTW, in past decades, the same kind of rule also applied to "black blood". Oh how soon we forget
mustafa 1 year, 5 months ago
One: the homosexual movement doesn’t care about societal acceptance, ramming change through the courts rather that winning the hearts and minds of the public.
Two: What if instead of dispelling the “myths” about homosexuals this testing confirms them?... further legitimizing the discrimination against them. It has been 25 year since the first AIDS scare. Do you think the pros and cons of such testing hasn’t already been considered.
Three: Heteros don’t rate the same treatment because heterosexual transmission is virtually non-existent.
Four: Through giving blood or plasma you’ll learn that even one homosexual contact since 1977 ( the year homosexual Patient Zero brought the disease to this hemisphere) is enough to disqualify someone. The restriction was put up by health authorities regardless of the massive political spin campaign launched by homosexuals who think their self esteem is more important than public health.
Five: anyone who thinks they are a vampire deserves to be literally kicked to the curb. They deserved to be discriminated against and even persecuted. There is no such thing as good evil. Anyone into vampirism, or admires it, is someone of which to be very leery at the very least.
kdbp1213 1 year, 5 months ago
accept blood from all healthy people............
braceyourself 1 year, 5 months ago
Once again, mustafa has proven that our standards for admission are too low.
"Winning the hearts and minds of the public?" Thanks, Hallmark, now do me a favor and stop trying to vote away people's rights, and then there wouldn't need to be court cases.
Let's base our lives on what-if scenarios while people die from lack of blood. You can't fiat a result, mustafa; stop trying.
"Heterosexual transmission is virtually non-existent?" You're joking, right? I mean, hey, if typing random nonsense into your posts makes you feel right, go for it. It won't prove anything except that your education dollars are going to waste.
"...massive political spin campaign launched by homosexuals." Please do tell me the origins of this spin campaign. Better yet, name some of its leaders or give us some type of evidence of this spin campaign. Oh, you can't? Shocking.
...really? REALLY?
dargus 1 year, 5 months ago
If the blood is tested, and clean, accept it. How can any other option seem even remotely reasonable?
mustafa 1 year, 5 months ago
Braceyourself- with a tag like that you must be homosexual.
Can’t you and your anonymous butt-buddies stop ejaculating up each other's colons and ingesting each other's fecal material long enough to see that biggest proof that transmission is not possible through heterosexuality is the lack of any hetero-die off, let alone the huge death count of which the Left foretold when the epidemic first started? But then their coalition partners were getting justly slimmed with the fact that they were doing the vast majority of the dying just as they still are. It was held, that only when the hetero community felt equally threatened would they care enough about finding the (still elusive) cure.
For years, through the popular culture as well as the public education system, the spin that “AIDS doesn't discriminate” was able to go un-challenged. But eventually the scientific boat docked. Read "The Myth of Heterosexual; Aids" and other works on the subject and stop looking to others to bring you up to speed on what the rest of us already know.
dargus 1 year, 5 months ago
Mustafa isn't a student. He's just a right-winger trying to save liberal souls.
mustafa 1 year, 5 months ago
Braceyourself- with a tag like that you must be homosexual.
The biggest proof that transmission is not possible through heterosexuality is the lack of any hetero-die off, let alone the huge death count of which the Left foretold when the epidemic first started? But then their coalition partners were getting justly slimmed with the fact that they were doing the vast majority of the dying just as they still are. It was held, that only when the hetero community felt equally threatened would they care enough about finding the (still elusive) cure.
For years, through the popular culture as well as the public education system, the spin that “AIDS doesn't discriminate” was able to go un-challenged. But eventually the scientific boat docked. Read "The Myth of Heterosexual; Aids" and other works on the subject and stop looking to others to bring you up to speed on what the rest of us already know.
mustafa 1 year, 5 months ago
Dargus- I am a student.
Have you notice all the theme shows in the culture suddenly that are anticipating a near future where there is a collapse in law and order? Whether such a reality happens because liberals like your have destroyed us internally, or opened us to a devastating attack, it will spell a reign of terror against people like you, I predict. No doubt many of your kind will find themselves being take care of Alec Ballwin style.
josephblow 1 year, 5 months ago
Heterosexual transmission is virtually nonexistent, huh? Did you purposely write that or did it just come out wrong?
mustafa 1 year, 5 months ago
I've already answered that. Where is the die-off. The only thing to point to is "the fastest growing category is among straight females" yeah, who have anal sex with bisexual men, thus since it this a man and a woman it supposedly qualifies as heterosexuality.
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